#k

Whatever happens, we have got The Maxim gun, and they have not. ↗

— Hilaire Belloc

#force #gun #humor #might_makes_right #technology

I'm a Waitress. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#sookie-stackhouse #humor

Want to play hangman? asks Theophile, and I ache to tell him that I have enough on my plate playing quadriplegic. But my communication system disqualifies repartee: the keenest rapier grows dull and falls flat when it takes several minutes to thrust it home. By the time you strike, even you no longer understand what had seemed so witty before you started to dictate it, letter by letter. So the rule is to avoid impulsive sallies. It deprives conversation of its sparkle, all those gems you bat back and forth like a ball-and I count this forced lack of humor one of the great drawbacks of my condition. ↗

— Jean-Dominique Bauby

#conversation #locked-in-syndrome #repartee #communication

Right, cause I'm bleeding all over the place for shits and giggles. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor #meghan-chase #humor

And so Harry became proficient in the task of cleaning up vomit. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #skills #humor

I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician's, which is fantastical; nor the courtier's, which is proud; not the soldier's which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is politic; nor the lady's, which is nice; nor the lover's, which is all these: but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, which, by often rumination, wraps me in a most humorous sadness. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#humor

He punched me in the face," Ash said, who understandably did not seem to find the situation humorous at all. "And then he yelled at me for sleeping with our personal trainer!" "I was told breakup scenes were a good way to distract people," Jared said with beautiful simplicity. "Ash looked so surprised," Holly said. "He had no idea what was going on. He said, 'I didn't sleep with our personal trainer! We don't even have a personal trainer!'" Angela and Holly giggled. Ash held the back of his hand to his bleeding mouth and glared. Jared was still grinning like a maniac. "In that case," he told Ash solemnly, "I will consider taking you back. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#ash #break-ups #cousins #distractions #holly

I sheathed my blade and glared at him. "And here I almost thought you weren't a complete bastard." "Well, that's your mistake, not mine. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor #jackal #humor

I’ve been thinking.” “A dangerous pursuit.” “Indeed. ↗

— Victoria Schwab

#thinking #humor

Everyone was going crazy, like they’d just witnessed the birth of Jesus and the invention of electricity at the same time. Jude was a rock star, their savior, and they were paying him homage. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#idol #popularity #rock-star #humor