#k

You know, Willie Wonka said it best: we are the makers of dreams, the dreamers of dreams. ↗

— Herb Brooks

#best #dreamers #know #makers #said

There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again any time soon. A severe peanut allergy is a terrible affliction to cope with. ↗

— Andrew Hussie

#prank #humor

Sitting on my stool I thought of a bumper sticker: "If Mean People Suck, Why Isn't My Dick In Your Mouth? ↗

— Paul Neilan

#humor #humor

Maybe I didn't try as hard as I ought when he started calling you names. Serves him right, the nasty old turd. Punch him again, Moth" - Peaseblossom ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#fairies #humor #humor

Could I have a Sloe Gin Fizz, without the gin?" "What's the point of that, Miss?" the waiter said. "Tomorrow morning," Mabel said. ↗

— Libba Bray

#humor #humor

There's a boy who they call Pony! He's always acting gross and horny! He thinks he's got a lot down there, but he sure wears tiny underwear! ↗

— Cecily von Ziegesar

#humor

The Packers have lots of owners nobody knows instead of one owner who doesn't know squat. ↗

— Jim McMahon

#know #knows #lots #nobody #owner

I did several interesting jobs, working in restaurants, I worked at a lab rat farm, feeding and watering all these rats. Then I got a full-time job as a technical writer for a large scientific research laboratory. ↗

— Kevin J. Anderson

#farm #feeding #full-time #full-time job #got

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#kids #observational-comedy #humor

You is getting nosier than a parker. ↗

— Roald Dahl

#humor #humor