Brian P. Cleary

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#humor #humor

It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about). ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#humor #observational-comedy #observations #humor

Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#observational-comedy #observations #storytelling #humor

Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#observation #humor

Not only is love blind, it’s a little hard of hearing. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#love #marriage #observational-comedy #humor

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#kids #observational-comedy #humor

If you treat what you value most in life more like a garden and less like a vending machine, you’ll probably be happier. (from You Oughta Know By Now) ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#inspriration #inspirational

There’s no such thing as free kittens. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#kittens #money #observational-comedy #observations #money

You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a middle and an end has been done to death. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#beginning #books #death #done #end

When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#finding #going #interest #joke #kid