#ld

This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or..." "Repair boy." "Very funny, Piper. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#leo-valdez #piper-mclean #funny

I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #insurance #on-quotes #oscar-wilde #quote

Nothing in this world feels quite like freedom, except for freedom. And nothing in the world tastes quite like freedom, except for fried bald eagles. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#freedom #funny #freedom

There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#editing #funny #people #typo #world

The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#blindfolded #car #friends #friendship #funny

I want to be a creature that’s half bee, half the letter B. That way I can pollinate the world with my literacy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#letter-b #literacy #world #funny

Somewhere in the world there is an epigram for every dilemma. ↗

— Hendrik Willem Van Loon

#epigram #every #somewhere #world

The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#the-key-to-the-golden-firebird #funny

I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #grandpa #old-people #funny

I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#yield #zodiac #funny