#led

I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls. ↗

— Matt Groening

#pledge-of-allegiance #humor

Lucifer will be furious with you for failing, but it's not like he can do anything about it. Women don't always do what you want, even if you're Lord of the Underworld. ↗

— Trinity Faegen

#humor #strong-willed #women #humor

You know where we got stuck? We were looking for faithfull, loving and perfect relationships-males who were always glad to see us." "So?" "We already have that!" "What do you mean?" "We've got dogs! ↗

— Joan Bauer

#humor #peeled #humor

I would be lying if I said I didn't get a kick out of the assignment. Here I am, a "troubled youth," and my self-chosen treatment is to become a stalker. Okay, not stalker. Research Analyst. ↗

— Lindsey Leavitt

#humor #lindsey-leavitt #research #sean-griswold-s-head #stalker

There are no things man was not meant to know. There are, perhaps, things man is too dumb to figure out, but that's a different problem. ↗

— Michael Kurland

#humor #logic #science #humor

I'm still trying to figure out the secret relationship between the woman and the mall! ↗

— Ibrahim Taha

#ibrahim-taha #puzzled #quotes #saying #shopping

Curse you, cheap beer. Must find miso in tiny packet. ↗

— MCM

#hangover #humor #malediction #humor

The Theist tells us that the truth is god exists, the Atheist tells us that the truth is there is no god, while the truth tells us we don't know. ↗

— Kodai Okuda

#knowledge #philosophy #religion #science #wisdom

Early love is exciting and exhilarating. It's light and bubbly. Anyone can love like that. But after three children, after a separation and a near-divorce, after you've hurt each other and forgiven each other, bored each other and surprised each other, after you've seen the worst and the best-- well, that sort of love is ineffable. It deserves its own word. ↗

— Liane Moriarty

#love

I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because she hadn’t arrived yet. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#future #knowledge #late #love #moment