#let

You look angry," he said. "You put me on hold." "For a very good reason." "You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #skeleton #valykrie #funny

Halt eyed them balefully. They were all being so obvious about not mentioning his sudden reappearance that it was even worse than if they had commented on it... 'Oh, go on!' he said. 'Somebody say something! I know what you're thinking!' 'It's good to see you up and about, Halt,' Selethen said gravely... Halt glared at the others and they quickly chorused their pleasure at seeing him back to his normal self. But he could see the grins they didn't quite manage to hide. He fixed a glare on Alyss. 'I'm surprised at you Alyss,' he said. 'I expected no better of Will and Evanlyn, of course. Heartless beasts, the pair of them. But you! I thought you had been better trained!'... 'Halt, I'm sorry! It's not funny, you're right... Shut up, Will.' This last was directed at Will as he tried, unsuccessfully, to smother a snigger. ↗

— John Flanagan

#evanlyn #halt #laughter #ranger-s-apprentice #seasickness

The year 2000 came from heaven, and so did my new mullet. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#heaven #mullet #year- #funny

Rose unearthed three crystal goblets that almost matched, and even found a tablecloth that hadn't been attacked by moths since its last public appearance. ↗

— Elizabeth C. Bunce

#goblet #moth-eaten #tablecloth #funny

Alexander Payne's very specific. His scripts are always complete when you start working on them. ↗

— Kathy Bates

#always #complete #his #payne #scripts

Mother, you have my father much offended. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#hamlet #sassy #shakespeare #funny

POLONIUS My lord, the queen would speak with you, and presently. HAMLET Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel? POLONIUS By th'mass, and 'tis like a camel indeed. HAMLET Methinks it is like a weasel. POLONIUS It is backed like a weasel. HAMLET Or like a whale? POLONIUS Very like a whale. HAMLET Then I will come to my mother by and by. - They fool me to the top of my bent. - I will come by and by. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#hamlet #idiot #mad #funny

Career now....Men, whenever. ↗

— Susan Mallery

#home

Chances are if you find yourself caught up in a political foofaraw at work, or in some family squabble at home, it's because someone else is succeeding in convincing you that his problem is your problem. The non-self-destructor recognizes this and as soon as possible, gives the sleepless night back to the person to whom it belongs. ↗

— Jason Seiden

#hyperviligance #letting-go #responsibility #someone-else-s-problem #family

No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #toilet #humor