#lie

He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. "You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?" "Nope!" "Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #julie #kate #kate-daniels #magic-burns

There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it. ↗

— Shannon L. Alder

#books #boyfriend #choices #faith #family

He told me that if you yelled out "JAMBA!" at full volume, all the employees would yell back "JUICE!" He lied. ↗

— Morgan Matson

#brother #charlie #funny #funny

I try not to laugh at the fact that even when she’s drunk, she has a hard time saying it. “Where do you want me to take you?” She drops her head back against my chest. “You can just keep carrying me. It’s very relaxing. ↗

— Jessica Sorensen

#funny #jessica-sorensen #kayden-and-callie #funny

This is an Aston Martin, Gin.You don't run over dead bodies in an Aston Matin." "Tell that to James Bond ↗

— Jennifer Estep

#comeback #funny #james-bond #web-of-lies #funny

And," added Mikey. "she's my sister." The others looked at him for a moment, and broke out laughing. "Yeah, yeah," Squirrel scoffed, "and the McGill is my cousin." Now Allie burst out laughing, which made Mikey more annoyed. "If the McGill was your cousin," Mikey said, "I can guarantee he'd disown you. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#cousin #funny #mary #mcgill #squirrel

I am too much alien and not enough monkey to fit in here. ↗

— Melissa St. Hilaire

#fitting-in #funny #monkey #funny

I'd sold my soul to get out of detention. ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#toby #unbelievable #funny

Problem was, he couldn’t masturbate his sexual desires away because he’d fry off his cock." Hector ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny #hector #funny

People usually feel funny, smile and laugh when I tell them about my strong belief in the very existence of prehistoric advanced technology and great civilizations of wilier races. I just can't wait to see their faces at time the truth is revealed. ↗

— Toba Beta

#ancient #civilization #mystery #prehistoric #reveal