#squirrel

This dudes nuttier than squirrel shit." -Ty Henderson ↗

— Madeleine Urban

#humorous-quotations #shit #squirrel #funny

Whenever he looks at me with those big brown eyes, I feel like giving him a nut,” she said. She even started calling the squirrels running around in the park Mr. Whitmans. ↗

— Kerstin Gier

#funny #likeness #squirrels #funny

This squirrel is inadequately afraid of humans! Squirrel, I am a threat to you! We are enemies! Please get off my bench! Oh, god! Oh, god! Don't touch me—oh, god! ↗

— John Green

#humor #john-green #squirrels #humor

Life, like love, holds many secrets for us to discover. Some we unearth early on. Others take us most of our days to stumble upon, even though they are hidden in plain sight. ↗

— Roy L. Pickering Jr.

#life

A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit! ↗

— Sarah Jessica Parker

#outfit #rat #squirrel

Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately. Next, in another cage I confined an Irish Catholic from Tipperary, and as soon as he seemed tame I added a Scotch Presbyterian from Aberdeen. Next a Turk from Constantinople; a Greek Christian from Crete; an Armenian; a Methodist from the wilds of Arkansas; a Buddhist from China; a Brahman from Benares. Finally, a Salvation Army Colonel from Wapping. Then I stayed away for two whole days. When I came back to note results, the cage of Higher Animals was all right, but in the other there was but a chaos of gory odds and ends of turbans and fezzes and plaids and bones and flesh--not a specimen left alive. These Reasoning Animals had disagreed on a theological detail and carried the matter to a Higher Court. ↗

— Mark Twain

#cats #dogs #doves #foxes #geese

The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want. ↗

— Scott Adams

#another #better #build #built #earth

I gave away two dogs years ago because I felt guilty at not being able to give them the time and attention they deserved. I now regularly feed an army of squirrels and wild birds around our house. ↗

— Mike Farrell

#ago #army #around #attention #away

I've been stocking my nuts away like a squirrel for 15 years. I don't have kids, I don't have a wife. I own my own house. I don't owe anybody for it so I put my nuts away. I really made a commitment to myself to just do what I like to do and want to do, and not to do anything. I'm not even going to give six weeks away for money anymore, you know? ↗

— John Corbett

#anymore #anything #away #been #commitment

Tricker the Squirrel is the best piece I ever wrote. It's intricate. ↗

— Ken Kesey

#ever #i #intricate #piece #squirrel