#lol

If you want to marry me, here's what you'll have to do: You must learn how to make a perfect chicken-dumpling stew. And you must sew my holey socks, And soothe my troubled mind, And develop the knack for scratching my back, And keep my shoes spotlessly shined. And while I rest you must rake up the leaves, And when it is hailing and snowing You must shovel the walk...and be still when I talk, And-hey-where are you going? ↗

— Shel Silverstein

#humor #marriage-advice #true-to-life #humor

When your done releasing sexual tensions, we have a meeting to continue!" ~ Francis Bonnefoy, Hetalia, English Dub ↗

— Francis Bonnefoy

#humor #lol #humor

This is what happens to those who sit still. People who did nothing ended up with nothing lives lived on nothing furniture inside a nothing space doing nothing watching nothing being nothing. They became supernovas of nothingness that turned into black holes of pathetic shit as they sank in on themselves and disappeared from existance. People like that were not even missed. ↗

— Lolita Files

#sex-lies-murder-fame #fame

Phoenix sank to the desk chair and stared at her computer screen. “I don’t know. I’ve lived like this for so long, it’s who I am. Everything seems so stupid. Like, look at this girl,writing to Sasha. She’s all”—he spoke in a falsetto voice—“‘OMG!’ and ‘LOL!’ and ‘WTF?’ and ‘Girl, you should totes go out with Tyler in Telluride!’” He looked up at her.“You’re seventeen years old, and this is how seventeenyear-olds talk to each other. I’m a thousand years old, and this stuff is like alien-speak to me. If I found another Anabo,she’d be writing OMG and I’d be thinking, You’re f’ing kidding me. ↗

— Trinity Faegen

#lol

Y'all got your heads tucked so far up your rears, she's petrified the kid's gonna need a shrink before he can shit in a dish. ↗

— Addison Moore

#lol #toxic #lol

Next, I wasn't willing to mimic a dude. I'd done it twice and it wasn't something I wanted to do again. Ever. Extra body parts and things dangling in place they shouldn't? No way. ↗

— Jus Accardo

#humor #lol #sucks-to-be-a-dude #lol

Okay. When he comes, you can see him?" "Yes. I can hear him, too. And he, uh..." She brushed the bandage on the side of her skull. I looked at her in bewilderment. Was she serious? "He hits you?" "Yes." "With his fist?" "Yes." John looked up from his coffee indignantly. "Man, what a dick!" I did roll my eyes this time and glared at John once they stopped. I don't know if you've ever seen a ghost, but I'm guessing that if you did, the thing didn't run over and punch you in the face. I'm guessing that's never happened to any of your friends, either. ↗

— David Wong

#lol #lol

Actually she was at least in her late twenties (I never established her exact age for even her passport lied) and had mislaid her virginity under circumstances that changed with her reminiscent moods. ↗

— Vladimir Nabokov

#age

I'm thinking of aurochs and angels, the secret of durable pigments, prophetic sonnets, the refuge of art, And this is the only immortality that you and I may share, my Lolita. ↗

— Vladimir Nabokov

#art

Las aptitudes artísticas no son caracteres sexuales secundarios, como han dicho ciertos charlatanes y chamanes, sino todo lo contrario: la sexualidad está al servicio del arte. ↗

— Vladimir Nabokov

#art