#m

You know, I found a gray hair the other day. I almost broke the sound barrier rushing to the pharmacy to get some dye. Beth snorted. Oh please! You're a blonde-no one can see gray hair up there. Now, you get one down under, and then you can panic. ↗

— Jenn McKinlay

#humor

I'm sorry but I don't need saving. Maybe pour all that energy into a worthy cause, like saving the whales, or the Rainforest. I hear trees are being cut down at an alarming rate. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #jayde-scott #humor

Thanks for not talking with your fists,” I said. I have a little sister, and I’m not sure I’d be as understanding with any of her boyfriends. “I’ve seen you fight,” he said, turning. “It would’ve been a terribly short conversation. ↗

— Lish McBride

#sibling-relationships #humor

—¿Una charla? Sí, claro. Estoy segura de que vuestras lenguas hicieron un gran trabajo, pero, por alguna razón, intuyo que no fue precisamente para hablar -Claire ↗

— Josephine Angelini

#humor

Rock, meet stubborn place. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

Then Jix locked eyes with him and said very calmly, "If you hit her, I will open my mouth wide enough to swallow you whole, force you through my bowels, then out my other end." Avalon scowled at him. "You can't do that." "Try me," Jix said. Avalon backed off, then angrily stormed away, and Jix winked at Jill. "One in five. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#humor

Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems. ↗

— Adam Selzer

#humorous #humorous-quotations #humor

The cemeteries of the world are full of indispensable men. ↗

— Charles de Gaulle

#humor #humor

You can avoid reality, but you can't avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. ↗

— Ayn Rand

#humor

Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale - to the Jag mobile. ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#humor