#m

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet. ↗

— Stanislaw Lec

#beneath #beware #feet #ground #joy

A census taker once tried to test me. I let my front garden eat him. ↗

— Jonathan L. Howard

#humor

What you don't know may not hurt you, but what you don't remember always does. ↗

— Gerald M. Weinberg

#philosphical #humor

Before a Cat will condescend To treat you as a trusted friend, Some little token of esteem Is needed, like a dish of cream; And you might now and then supply Some caviare, or Strassburg Pie, Some potted grouse, or salmon paste — He's sure to have his personal taste. (I know a Cat, who makes a habit Of eating nothing else but rabbit, And when he's finished, licks his paws So's not to waste the onion sauce.) A Cat's entitled to expect These evidences of respect. And so in time you reach your aim, And finally call him by his name. ↗

— T.S. Eliot

#bribery #cats #food #friendship #names

Speak, or I will put a dint in your hat that even a wizard will find hard to deal with! ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#humor #lord-of-the-rings #humor

...as nervous as a bird in a coal mine. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

He touched me. We kissed and we held hands sometimes. It was proper. Do you think I should have been with him in that way?" "Hell, no. He's probably not capable." "He's married now. They have children." "Must be Catholic." "What makes you say that?" "Virgin births. ↗

— Ellen O'Connell

#humor

Tonights is the first football game of the season West Paragon Dawgs versus East Paragon Dolphins - Cerberus guardiam of the underworld versus Flipper - go figure. ↗

— Addison Moore

#humor

Jaz is their drummer. He’s pretty damn good too. Hell, he’s pretty damn good at everything he’s ever tried. Creative little shit. ↗

— Lissa Matthews

#humor

On a Creep Scale from Hello Kitty to Cthulhu, I award it a Freddy Krueger. Granuaile MacTiernan ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#macabre #humor