#m

You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain. ↗

— Jefferson Smith

#belief #credibility #fantasy #gullibility #humor

What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for? ↗

— Salman Rushdie

#humor #jesus #humor

Its a perfectly good face, Sparhawk." "It covers the front of my head. What else can you expect from a face? ↗

— David Eddings

#humor #humor

Are you all right?” he asked Olivia. His heart was still racing with terror that she’d been hurt. “I heard a woman scream.” “Ah, that would have been me,” Sebastian said. Harry looked down on his cousin, face frozen in disbelief. “You made that noise?” “It hurt,” Sebastian bit off. Harry fought not to laugh. “You scream like a leettle girl. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#cousins #humor #humor

I mingle with my peers or no one, and since I have no peers, I mingle with no one. ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#ignatious-j-reilly #new-orleans #humor

What the fuck happened to you? [...] You look like you lost a fight with a lamprey. Hickey, hickey...bruise, bruise, bruise...bite. I thought that thing on your neck the other day was just a fluke. I guess not--looks like you get off on picking up a few souvenirs when you...get off. ~Crash ↗

— Jordan Castillo Price

#hickey #humor #vic #humor

If you can't enjoy what you have, you can't enjoy more of it. ↗

— Richard Bandler

#inspirational-quotes #humor

Women never bought Freud's idea of penis envy: who would want a shotgun when you can have an automatic? ↗

— Natalie Angier

#humor #psychology #humor

I've never really understood the desire people have to quantify a baby. "He's X big and Y long," As if the baby is a fish you're not sure you're going to keep. Or some prize potato you're hoping will win a prize at the county fair. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#humor #humor

And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch. ↗

— Anonymous

#leadership #humor