#mast

The difference between a self-induced orgasm and an orgasm given by a man is like comparing a rainy day and a rain storm. Rain was a sure thing, you knew exactly what you were going to get: a clean and crisp, both sweet and refreshing experience. But rainstorms were unpredictable, they were riddled with surprises, messy and wet; they were something you had no control over. ↗

— Madeline Sheehan

#orgasm #sex #experience

As a rule, you see, I'm not lugged into Family Rows. On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across premieval swamps and Uncle James's letter about Cousin Mabel's peculiar behaviour is being shot round the family circle ('Please read this carefully and send it on Jane') the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#wodehouse #family

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'. ↗

— Craig Ferguson

#masturbation #poem #poetry #thanksgiving #food

You may be assured that we won't ever let your words die. Like the words of our Master, Jesus Christ, they will live in our minds and our hearts and in the souls of black men and white men, brown men and yellow men as long as time shall last. ↗

— Ralph Abernathy

#black #brown #christ #die #ever

The question is not "can you wear your father's shoes?". The question is "can you walk in your father's shoes?". It is one thing having a mentor and it is another thing to become like your mentor. ↗

— Israelmore Ayivor

#apprentice #copy #excel #excellence #extra

Existence is a series of footnotes to a vast, obscure, unfinished masterpiece. ↗

— Vladimir Nabokov

#footnotes #masterpiece #obscure #series #unfinished

I am not interested in picking up crumbs of compassion thrown from the table of someone who considers himself my master. I want the full menu of rights. ↗

— Desmond Tutu

#compassion #considers #crumbs #full #himself

I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#debate #dialogue #funny #humor #judgement

You'll blow up a helicopter, but you won't go out with me? What is wrong with you? ↗

— Meg Cabot

#funny #jess-mastriani #relationships #rob-wilkins #when-lightning-strikes

Never try to understand the students. They hate it. They would much rather be tragically misunderstood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own —” “That’s enough, Phineas,” said Dumbledore. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#headmasters #principals #students #funny