#mo

It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay." - China Sorrows - ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #landy #leaving #skuldugerry-pleasant #wanting

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#atheism #childhood #humor #kids #parenting

Holy mother!" "Hmph. More like holy father. I'd think you'd know the difference." -Hephaetus ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #humor

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. ↗

— George Lucas

#sci-fi #star-wars #humor

When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone —‘I didn’t mean to startle her ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#epitaph #humor #masques #humor

I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #humor

When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman. ↗

— P.B. Kerr

#men #women #humor

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#selfishness #humor

We'd spent maybe ten minutes together, during which time I'd accidentally swung a sword at her, she'd saved my life, and I'd run away chased by a band of supernatural killing machines. You know, your typical chance meeting. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor