#mo

I knew you were crazy, but I didn't realize that you were out of your goddamned mind!! ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #humor

And, as Stevie Rae would have said, Kalona was as wrong as manboobs. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#the-house-of-night #humor

Leo could run pretty fast when someone was trying to kill him. Sadly, he’d had a lot of practice. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

You teach combat, I guess.” Aphros threw up his hands in exasperation. “Why does everyone assume that?” Leo glanced at the massive sword on the fish-guy’s back. “Uh, I don’t know. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#panic #humor

Needy people are like newborns, I have come to realize. One intoxicated night and BAM! You are stuck with this problem. You finally take it home and it wants to keep you up all night and cries when it isn’t sucking on various parts of your anatomy. It wants you there for everything – rocking, feeding, burping, changing... It’s ridiculous. If I wanted a kid I would have one. Until then, grow the hell up and stand on your own two feet, you little crazy. ↗

— Chase Brooks

#drunk #humor #needy #relationships #change

tanith: have you called the police? fergus: they, uh, they said theyd call by this afternoon. tanith: tell them not to bother... im his doctor. beryl: what kind of doctor dresses in brown leather? tanith: the kind that looks good init ↗

— Derek Landy

#tanith-low #humor

Oh shit, the mummy's after us, let's all walk a little faster ↗

— Stephen King

#humor

face touchage" "lame-sauce" "Sulky McSulkerton ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#humor

Yo soy carne muerta. Translation: I am dead meat. ↗

— Kiersten White

#evie #humor #humor