#mo

A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but you knows exactly what you want? Only your clone. And besides being the perfect gift, it’d also be a surprise, because it’s not like you bought your own gift. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I’ve got a pocket full of cash, and a condom full of erection.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

A karate black belt would make a great blindfold on a kidnap victim, after you karate chop them into submission.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #blindfold #funny #humor #karate

Fredrick gazed into the deep blue eyes of Jackson for a few seconds before answering. “I’d like the best room in the hotel.”
 “We have hundreds of rooms here, and all of them are the best.”
 “How can they all be number one? Only one can be number one.”
 “Ah, this is true. And this is false. What’s the best to you may be worst to someone else. Since every room here is completely different, each room is number one to someone, even if that same room is number two to someone else.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#competition #customer-service #funny #guest-service #hospitality

The first place where self-esteem begins its journey is within us. ↗

— Stephen Richards

#cosmic-ordering #law-of-attraction #mind-body-spirit #mind-power #money

Dark Jar Tin Zoo’s face is sallow, his cheeks sunk in, and he looks like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream,” only less colorful. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#dark-jar-tin-zoo #edvard-munch #funny #humor #sallow

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#life #humor

A brick could be duct taped in front of your eyes, like a blindfold, so you can have that feeling of hitting your head against a brick wall all the time. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a substitute for my father. I hate to admit it, but I think a brick would make a better dad than that guy I call “The Guy That Never Calls Me.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny