#mo

جاء في الأثر أن إمرأة دخلت النار في قطة حبستها، و إذا كنا بالتأكيد أكرم عند الله عز و جل من القطط، فبالتأكيد سيذهب الحزب الوطني إلي النار لأنه لا هو أطعمنا و لا هو تركنا نأكل من خشاش الأرض. ↗

— بلال فضل

#politics #humor

[She] lost her patience, a thing she was all too prone to misplacing. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#patience #humor

Stop crying. You're giving archangels everywhere a bad name." Patch to Pepper ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#patch-cipriano #humor

This is where the privileged send their screwed-up progeny; no gluing macaroni to construction paper for us." He paused meaningfully. "They only let us CREATE with RICCIOLINI here." "I don't even know what that is." "It's very fancy, I assure you ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#humor

I've never said this to a girl before." I bit my lip, waiting. "Well..." He looked down. "I'm not sure how to say this." He took a deep breath and announced, "I really like fighting evil with you. ↗

— Joan Bauer

#humor #humor

There was something sort of bleak about her tone, rather as if she had swallowed an east wind. This I took to be due to the fact that she probably hadn't breakfasted. It's only after a bit of breakfast that I'm able to regard the world with that sunny cheeriness which makes a fellow the universal favourite. I'm never much of a lad till I've engulfed an egg or two and a beaker of coffee. "I suppose you haven't breakfasted?" "I have not yet breakfasted." "Won't you have an egg or something? Or a sausage or something? Or something?" "No, thank you." She spoke as if she belonged to an anti-sausage league or a league for the suppression of eggs. There was a bit of silence. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#food #good-humor #humor #sausage #food

She was what we used to call a suicide blonde-- dyed by her own hand. ↗

— Saul Bellow

#humor

oro?! ↗

— Nobuhiro Watsuki

#humor

The Colonel explained to me that 1. this was Alaska's room, and that 2. she had a single room because the girl who was supposed to be her roommate got kicked out at the end of last year, and that 3. Alaska had cigarettes, although the Colonel neglected to ask whether 4. I smoked, which 5. I didn't. ↗

— John Green

#looking-for-alaska #humor

The only vampires I've ever seen are the Goths trying to get a glimpse of Anne Rice's house, who drink strawberry sodas and tell each other it's blood. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#nick-gautier #humor