#no

I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs. ↗

— Mark Rosen

#funny #future #funny

An ice sculpture in the Sahara makes about as much sense as donkey left open gaping wagon, Sergeant (add cream cheese sparingly).
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cream-cheese #donkey #ice-sculpture #nonsensical #open

Step one: Invade your opponet's mind. This is just like using mind-speak. Try it on me." "That's easy," I said, casting my mental nets toward Dante, ensnaring his mind, and pushing words into his conscious thought. I'm in your mind, having a look around, and it's awfully empty in here. Wiseacre, Dante returned. Nobody says that anymore. Speaking of which, how old are you in Nephilim years? I'd never thought to ask. I swore fealty during Napoleon's invasion of Italy-my homeland. And that was in what year...? Help me out. I'm not a history buff. Dante smiled. 1796. Wow. You're old. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#dante-and-nora #dante-mazzaratti #finale #funny #hush-hush

I think we should model parts of the English language after the Inuits, who have 52 words for snow. Why don't we have 52 words for love? Instead, I have to rely on metaphors like, Her love was as pure as yellow snow. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #snow #funny

Noise soup. I just made it. Taste it with your ears. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #noise #soup #taste #funny

I have discovered that the easiest way to make my nose appear smaller is to wear a Speedo on my head. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

What?" she asked again. He pointed ahead of them. "See that?" "What, the snow?" "Beyond that." "More snow?" "Stop looking at the snow. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humour #snow #yeti #funny

I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#guity #innocent #opportunity #funny

Giving style” to one’s character - a great and rare art! It is exercised by those who see all the strengths and weaknesses of their own natures and then comprehend them in an artistic plan until everything appears as art and reason and even weakness delights the eye. ↗

— Friedrich Nietzsche

#courage #individuality #nonconformity #self-freedom #truth-to-self

Be careful you don't cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with.' 'Girls don't shave', Arya said. 'Maybe they should. Have you ever seen the septa's legs? ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#a-song-of-ice-and-fire #arya-stark #cutting #funny #george-r-r-martin