#ny

…breaking the heart of someone you still love is a rare horror, not funny to anyone, except perhaps Satan…and even his pleasure would be spoiled by not having had a hand in it, by the dumb, wasteful accident of the thing. The Devil wants meaning just like the rest of us. ↗

— Glenn Duncan

#love #meaning #the-devil #funny

I don’t think that you should tell me that you love me wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.  Hopelessly doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it? ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#sense #funny

If I were you, I'd go and do that. : Vikalp That's why you're not me! : Yatharth. ↗

— Shubham Choudhary

#funny #my-ex-fell-in-love #funny

She stared down into her coffee, as if she had more to say, but the words had fallen into the mug and were now too soggy to use. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#funny #funny

Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I'm covered. ↗

— Molly Harper

#dirty #funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

You want to stab me again, don't you?" He didn't look at all ashamed. "Think of it as testing the limits of your new abilities." I groaned. "I've created a monster." "I don't think someone who recently crawled from the grave should be throwing around labels like 'monster,'" he said, making sarcastic little air-quotes fingers. "It wasn't a grave," I sniffed. "It was a comfy four-poster. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #monster #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

Wait, is this a nice-ish way of telling me we had sex and I was lousy? That's how you can tell I'm inexperienced? Because, if so, that's just rude. And what were you doing at Shenanigans? And how did you find me on the road?" Gabriel looked wounded. "To answer your questions in order: The only body fluid I exchanged with you is blood--" "That's very comforting, thank you. ↗

— Molly Harper

#gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #questions

TO:[email protected]: Something's wrong! The house is shaking! TO:[email protected]: Well can you turn down the volume on Star Trek:Voyager? I thought we were having an earthquake when the Enterprise hit Warp speed. Why did you let me sleep until nearly one? ↗

— Robert Bryndza

#email #funny #star-trek-warp-speed #funny

Morelli was wearing a blazer over a black knit shirt, He took a seat, and his jacket swung wide, exposing the gun at his hip. "Nice piece!" Grandma said. "What is it? Is that a forty-five?" "It's a nine- millimeter." "Don't suppose you'd let me see it," Grandma said. "I'd sure like to get the feel of a gun like that." "No!" said everyone in unison. "I shot a chicken once," Grandma explained to Morelli. "It was an accident." "Where did you shoot it?" he finally asked. "In the gumpy," Grandma said. "Shot it clear off. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#funny

If all of your friends are morons is it a felony, a misdemeanor or an act of God if you blow their fucking heads off with a thirty-eight magnum? ↗

— Bret Easton Ellis

#psycho #funny