#ny

You bitch!" Why is it that whenever I draw blood, I'm a bitch? ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#funny

Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding." Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#keladry-of-mindelan #lady-knight #tamora-pierce #funny

When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#time #yesterday #funny

Uh... ," Ivy stammered, and I glanced up to see her eyes wide in consideration. "I'm kidding," I said. "It passed the lethal-amulet test, remember?" "Not that. You keep it in your underwear drawer?" I hesitated, wondering why I was embarrassed. "Well, where do you put your elven magic?" I asked. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#elven-charm #funny #ivy #rachel #funny

I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#yield #zodiac #funny

Normal" is just a setting on your dryer. ↗

— Patsy Clairmont

#humor #funny

That face. That body. And you know he’s packing. Look at the angle on that dangle. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#funny

Sometimes he hated that voice in his brain, the one that slapped him upside the head anytime he got too stupid. Funny, it happened a lot with Sienna. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#funny

I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cowardly #danger #funny #funny

There should be more sincerity and heart in human relations, more silence and simplicity in our interactions. Be rude when you’re angry, laugh when something is funny, and answer when you’re asked. ↗

— Anton Chekhov

#funny