#ny

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #humor #humorous #irony #satire

There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #war #wwi #wwii #funny

Decent people have too much respect for others to be overachievers. ↗

— Bauvard

#decency #funny #humor #funny

His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #strange #surreal #funny

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? ↗

— James Thurber

#answer #called #did #i #number

Spontaneous human combustion is for superstitious atheists. I believe in deliberate human combustion. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands." Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced women replied. "Having a white face is worse than both of your situations." But you have a white face because you put makeup on," Colette said, as Sunny climbed back out of the trunk and knelt down in the snow. "You're putting powder on your face right now. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #humor #lemony #slippery-slope #snicket

I have learned that particularly clever ideas do not always stand up under close scrutiny. ↗

— Elizabeth Peters

#ideas #scrutiny #humor

I thought I recognized you." Really? He remembered me looking like Swamp Thing? How flattering. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#josh-lanyon #humor

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#artemis-fowl-humor #funny #relativity #time-travel #funny