#ny

Attacking the person instead of the argument is condemned in logic, widespread in physics, and not used nearly enough in humanism. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Small town folk are so mannered towards sameness. City dwellers are so classy about Chinatown, Harlem, Greenwich Village. But suburbanites are the most tolerable of all: lacking either manners or culture, they just sprawl out in their four-bedroom, two child homes and close their doors to all the other four-bedroom, two-child homes. Suburbanites don’t abide, they abed, and we’re all abetter for it, since they don’t know how to say that they don’t have anything to say. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #suburbs #funny

June: halfway towards the reiteration of a delusion. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #new-years-resolution #funny

I'M SCOTTISH! ↗

— Elizabeth Wein

#english #funny #humor #scottish #funny

We two make banquets of the plainest fare In every cup we find the thrill of pleasure... For us life always moves with lilting measure We two, we two, we make our world, our pleasure ↗

— Ella Wheeler Wilcox

#harmony #love #perfection #pleasure #simplicity

I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. ↗

— Arnold Palmer

#called #eraser #game #golf #golf game

Reed: "What's up?" Vanessa: "There must be an accident or something." Reed: "I'm the accident." Vanessa: "I couldn't agree more." Reed: "What I meant was, those people out there are waiting for me. ↗

— Jenny O'Connell

#jenny #o-connell #plan-b #reed #vanessa

Clarabelle...Clarabelle... You worked as Kenspeckle Grouse's assistant, did you not?' 'One of the. He fired all the others.' 'But not you?' 'He fired me on the second day, but I kept coming in. I had nowhere else to go.' 'And then you killed him.' 'Yes.' 'A Remnant squirmed inside you, and you killed Kenspeckle Grouse.' 'Yes.' Nye grinned. 'You're hired. But I have warn you, if you try to kill me, I will dissect you and sing along to your screams.' 'Can I have Mondays off?' 'You may. ↗

— Derek Landy

#dr-nye #humor #skulduggery-pleasant #death

You wanna know how to make God laugh?" he said. "Tell him your plans." (God-shaped Hole) ↗

— Tiffany Debartolo

#tiffany-debartolo #humor

Are you saying that was real magic?" I said. "That's crazy." "Well, let's see. Are you telling me you just saw the past in a vision. That a monkey in a top hat was trying to murder my chief costumer and head accountant with the most powerful poison in existence using her makeup jar? If so, perhaps I'm not the crazy one here. ↗

— Delilah S. Dawson

#humor #tish #humor