#o

I honestly can’t tell you. We’ve never had a situation like this before, “I admitted. “So you being an angel doesn’t meam…” He hesitated. “Doesn’t mean I have an answer for everything,” I concluded for him. “I just assumed it would be one of the perks.” “Sadly, no. ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#humor

Kope!” the other guy yeled. “What the frick?! You got some cheetah blood in you or what?”“Seriously!” insisted Blake. “How did you run so fast?” “I am African.” Without taking his eyes from mine, Kopano eased himself off me, and I sat up. ↗

— Wendy Higgins

#humor

And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. ↗

— Evan Esar

#guilt #humor #humor

This is a little awkward," I said, "but my mother just ran over the rabbit." "Ran over?" "As in roadkill. We're not sure what to do about it." "Where are you?" "Giovichinni's, buying lunch meat." "And the rabbit?" "Gone. He was with two other guys. They scooped him up off the road and drove away with him." There was a long silence on the phone. "I'm fucking speechless," Morelli finally said. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Now get some clothes on before the women around here are driven into a frenzy." He gave me a mournful look. "I'm afraid that'll happen with or without clothes, my dear. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

Goodnight baby, sleep in peace. After you kill that bitch!" "Goodnight mom! ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#scifi #humor

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#inspirational #life #humor

Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#grammar-humor #humor #humor

Amy," Elsie Moore said in her crackling voice, her gaze fixed on Declan. "I want you to get me a new bear. A blond one. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#paranormal-romance #humor