#o

Cass, I know you’re only trying to help but I will stab you in your face. ↗

— S.L.J. Shortt

#humor #humor

There's my baby!" I cried, quite carried away, "There's my poochiekins!" ... "Sadie," My dad said firmly, "Please do not refer to the devourer of souls as 'poochiekins'. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#children-s #humor #mythology #serpent-in-the-shadows #humor

Ostendes tuum et ostendam meus? ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#latin #maggie-stiefvater #ronan-lynch #the-raven-boys #humor

Oh" She seems relieved. "So you weren't—" "Don't worry, Ms.Grey. I wasn't drinking, smoking, toking or snorting in school. I keep the recreational drug use at home where it belongs. ↗

— Courtney Summers

#parker-fadley #humor

Greed and desire Not peace, but fire Coveting creation Created damnation Pulled alongside A gate thrown too wide Now our home calls And darkness fall "I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on."A for effort, ladies, but F for clarity. You do realise that your wierd poem things never explain anything", ↗

— Kiersten White

#evie #humor #humor

All right." He straightened up and seemed to be true to his promise to let it go. "I will be a man about this." That lasted until he saw the scratches on the hood from the mountain lion and the front fender, Where Abigail had dragged it off the driveway. Wailing, he went to it and sank to his knees. He sprawled over the hood and laid his head on the damaged fender. "I'm so sorry, Bets. I should of hidden the keys. Booted your tires. Something. I had know idea anyone would hurt you so, baby. I swear I'll never let anyone hurt you again. Ayyy, how could they do this to you? How? Oh the humanity!

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humour #humor

I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he was drunk. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cats #drive #drunk #humor #road-trip

Could you do such things when you were a dancer?' Tara asks her, as Tsukiko pulls a leg up impossibly far over her head. 'I would have had a much busier social calendar if I could,' Mme. Padva replies with a shake of her head. ↗

— Erin Morgenstern

#humor #night-circus #humor

All of Dragos’s sentinels were mean and barbaric and sexy. Even that weird harpy-bitch Aryal, who she might have a teensy girl crush on. You know, in a totally hetero kind of way. ↗

— Thea Harrison

#harpy #humor #humor

He stepped colser. Looked deep into my eyes. Hesitated a millisecond, and then dove in. "I think I'm falling in love with you." Oh. No. "Cole--" "I know how you feel. About me. About him. I just wanted you to know-we could be good together. We could have a life. Kids. Vacations. On Sunday mornings I could serve you breakfast in bed." He gave me his I-know-you-find-me-irrestible grin. "And then I could make you something to eat. ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#love #humor