#o

I've never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes. ↗

— Leo Durocher

#humor #sports #umpires #humor

I always say that love is like the meat in a pie,” Freddy put in. “The crust is what people see—the practical things that hold a couple together. But love is the important part—without it you’ve got a meatless pie, and what’s the point of that?” “Why, Freddy,” Minerva said, “that was almost profound. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#love #humor

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous-philosophy #humorous-quotations #humor

I continued, “The painting shows this fish with a big eye and a halo, floating in air, and underneath the fish are all these Native Americans having sex.” “What? What does that have to do with Custer’s Last Stand?” “Well, the painting is titled, Holy Mackerel, Look at All Those Fucking Indians. ↗

— Nelson DeMille

#humor

Good authour Good books ↗

— Roald Dahl

#humor

Go fuck yourself!—Dan said genuinely pissed off. Izzy---I’ve found that I’m a little shy for such blatantly public display of self-affection. Besides, I like to be wined and dined before I have my way with myself. I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy. ↗

— Suzanne Brockmann

#humor

I wish you would be more true to your demographic profile. Life is confusing enough. ↗

— Tony Kushner

#life #humor

Carbohydrates from the Latin, carbo which means "yummy" and hydrates which means "cinnamon bun," are not something I can eliminate or even drastically cut back on. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor #yummy #humor

Now go to bed, you crazy night owl! You have to be at NASA early in the morning. So they can look for your penis with the Hubble telescope. ↗

— Tina Fey

#nasa #penis #humor

Oh, the boots were on the other eight feet now. ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#bartimaeus #bartimaeus-trilogy #humor #humor