#om

If you look at all the pictures of women in magazines, everybody's got a forehead that looks like a billboard. Completely blank. ↗

— Amy Heckerling

#blank #completely #everybody #forehead #got

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#break #convenience #escalator #just #never

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#brain #brian #call #compliment #even

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#great #hungry #really #rice #something

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#eat #fish #fishing #go #just

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#any #car #cars #coming #exactly

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#flyer #hands #here #like #saying

So I do have to work, you know, and I find as many movies and TV shows that I can, because otherwise I wouldn't have an income. ↗

— Tippi Hedren

#find #i #i can #i do #income

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#eat #how #hungry #i #i am

Just as long as something is gained, a lesson is learned. I do like those. The more quiet victories are always great. ↗

— Jon Heder

#gained #great #i #i do #just