#om

There may be a sucker born every minute, but every 30 seconds a lollipop pops out.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I’ve compiled a list of five suspects, and all five could be mistakenly narrowed down to one by a lesser investigator, because all five are nearly identical in physical demeanor and dimensions. They could all be monozygotic twins, or clones, or holographic projections of each other. They all are egg-shaped like humpty Dumpty, only more omelet-like in the face, as each has two beady black olive eyes, thin strips of bacon for lips, and a rosy grape tomato for a nose. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #funny

He had bright elfin eyes and a knowledgeable ass. ↗

— Chris Hannan

#funny

Pearls' burst out the Snork Maiden excitedly. 'Could ankle rings be made out of pearls?' 'I should think they could,' said Moomintoll. 'Ankle-rings, and nose-rings and ear-rings and engagement rings... ↗

— Tove Jansson

#classics #cute #finnish #funny #moomins

A blanket could be twirled in the air, like a new idea in your mind, and then either discarded or folded up like a wearable memory.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Sadly for my wedding plans, I learned that Nestor is a bardash. I envy the men who enjoy his favors. He has always treated me with friendship which I now value more than my old romantic feelings. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#friends #homosexuality #friendship

She asked if I found what she was telling me very exciting, and I managed to yelp out “very” while yawning.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I am the burrito wrapped up in a blanket. Eat my warmth.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny