#om

So, been attacked by any vampires yet?" "Not one." "Zombies? Giant spiders? Water monsters?" It's been really quiet on the supernatural front" "Too bad, 'cause I got attacked by a devil dog. It was not awesome. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#dogs #fall-of-night #giant-spider #supernatural #vampires

Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close." "Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#comedy

What the hell do you want from me?” “Spontaneous combustion. ↗

— Poppet

#paranormal-urban-fantasy-romance #urban-fantasy

She tapped her chest. “No, I’m not a freak, okay, so could you stop pressuring me.” Rafael muttered something under his breath, throwing up his hands in surrender. “So what am I? What’s Karhl, Jayani, my brother, and all the BaSatai? Are we all freaks? Just because this human has some kind of fascination with labeling you, you believe in it. Be your own person, Armani, not what someone else says you are. ↗

— Suzan Battah

#romance #urban-fantasy-series #young-adult-urban-fantasy #urban-fantasy

I fart in your general direction. ↗

— Graham Chapman

#comedy

I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#political #comedy

I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror. ↗

— Lewis Black

#raving #stand-up-comedy #stark #comedy

The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#grandma-mazur #comedy

Our labour preserves us from three great evils -- weariness, vice, and want. ↗

— Voltaire

#evil #greed #labor #need #vice

London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#home #hometown #new-york-city #new-yorker #optimism