#or

You can swim, too." he says. "Where did you learn that in District Twelve?" "We have a very big bathtub. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humor

I've committed to nothing...and that's just suicide...by tiny, tiny increments. ↗

— Nick Hornby

#dark-humor #fiction #personal-insight #rob-gordon #humor

Nice dress. Take it off. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#morelli #romance #humor

There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

There's no trouble in this world so serious that it can't be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer. ↗

— Elizabeth Gilbert

#humor

I can read in red. I can read in blue. I can read in pickle color too. ↗

— Dr. Seuss

#humor

why can't you see i'm a kid', said the kid. Why try to make me like you? Why are you hurt when I don't cuddle? Why do you sigh when I splash through a puddle? Why do you scream when I do what I did? Im a kid. ↗

— Shel Silverstein

#poetry #humor

Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

I was very strict on that point. No devouring classmates." Jeremy rolled his eyes. "Other parents warn their kids not to talk to strangers. I had to warn mine not to eat them. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor