#or

Perfect,” he groaned. “You are perfect.” He sank his teeth into her ass, hard, drawing blood. “And now you wear my mark,” he finished proudly. “Your ass is mine. ↗

— Hanna Lui

#erotic-literature #erotic-romance #erotica #funny #humor

Aside from criminology, I’d say archaeology has the highest body count. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#criminology #funny #humor #funny

Bags! ↗

— Terry Goodkind

#book #curse #funny #humor #magic

The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people. ↗

— Criss Jami

#bore #boredom #boring #contagious #cynic

He blinked a few times, each motion so slow that he was never quite sure if he’d get his eyes open again. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. Funny how he was only just realizing it. Funnier still that he couldn’t seem to summon any concern for her maidenly sensibilities. She might be blushing. He couldn’t tell. It was too dark to see. But it didn’t matter. This was Honoria. She was a good egg. A sensible egg. She wouldn’t be scarred forever by the sight of his chest. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#julia-quinn #just-like-heaven #marcus #funny

Hopeless and helpless doth AEgeon wend, But to procrastinate his lifeless end. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#procrastination

The nice thing about wading in earthly pleasures is that if you make it to heaven, the landfills are full of pruned feathers and God’s silky beard trimmings. And if you don’t make it to heaven, at least you’ll have fond memories of the air-conditioned garbage truck. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #garbage #humor #funny

I may not be perfect, but God knows I'm trying . . . and God knowing should count for something. ↗

— Karen E. Quinones Miller

#inspirational-quotes #humor

One nation, under God, with consciousness – the practical man serves the highest abstraction with juggling training. ↗

— Bauvard

#consciousness #funny #god #humor #juggling

And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry." (You have to be stern with weenie waggers--I've been exposed to on the bus over seventeen times, so I know.) ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humorous #funny