#or

Hunky Heroes, rescuing distressed women, captive princesses, and girls without wheels since 1684. p. 450 ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#humor

You just put that sword away, sir, please," said the voice of Lance-Constable Vimes. "You will not shoot me, you young idiot. That would be murder," said the captain calmly. "Not where I'm aiming, sir. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humor

Shoulda gone to China. They give away babies like free iPods. They put them in guns and shoot them out at sporting events. ↗

— Diablo Cody

#humor #humor

The world will fall, the gods will die, and I will never achieve a perfect score on this stupid machine. -Dionysus ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

Ella was fluttering above him, dodging missiles and calling out advice: "The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive." SMASH! "Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #tyson #humor

I'm a private contractor now. I choose my clients, not the other way around. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#fallen-angel #guardian-angel #humor #nora #patch

I suppose he'll just have to do," she amended. "You'll have to suffer in silence with your male model...I feel for you." "Oh, stop it, Molly. ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#humor #molly #teasing #humor

If 50 million people say something foolish, it is still foolish. ↗

— W. Somerset Maugham

#humor #humor

I told Ersken, "Lately it's been like living on the knife's edge, never knowing which side I'll fall off on" Ersken clapped me on the shoulder as we stepped into the street. "Cheer up, Beka. Maybe you were going to fall off that razor's edge before, but not today," he said, as good humored as always. "Today we're doing to jump. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humor #joke #uncertainty #walking-the-line #humor

There I go, Clara the parrot. I belong on a pirate's shoulder. ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#humor #humor