#or

You wouldn't let him do it, would you, Jamie?" Jamie's expression was very serene. She stared at Andrew when she spoke to her husband. "With your permission, I would like to answer him." "You have it," Alec replied. "Andrew," she called out in a voice as cold and clear as a frigid winter morning, "my husband does whatever he wishes to do. I am sometimes allowed to help, though. If he decides to cut off your feet, I will, of course, offer him my assistance. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor

Tessa knows Will,” protested Charlotte. “She trusts Will.” “Iwouldn’t go that far,” muttered Tessa. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#tessa-gray #will-herondale #humor

Because nobody but a reader ever became a writer. ↗

— Richard Peck

#inspirational #inspirational

I might be half Derek's size, but I was the one who sounded like a two-hundred-pound beast plowing through the woods. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#paranormal-romance #supernatural #humor

Oh fuck, he was right there. I was wet as hell and he could probably smell me now. I should have eaten strawberries or melon or a dozen roses or an entire mint plant. Did that work for women? I read an article that it worked for men. Their spunk tasted like what they ate. Did my vagina taste like spaghetti right now? God dammit! I shouldn't have eaten dinner! ↗

— Tara Sivec

#erotica #humor #humor

I feel like I'm lost in an anime movie" I said, as Coyote picked the thing up. "One of the tentacle-monster ones." Most of them were X-rated and ended up with a lot of dead people. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #humor

Hello," he greeted her cheerfully. "You must be Alan of Trebond. You're very hardy to have made it this far the first day. Has anyone said what we try to learn in here?" Alanna said the first thing that came to her lips. "The only thing I know is that I jump when I'm told to and I have no free time. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humor #lesson #pert #humor

Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon? ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor

Irri and Jhiqui argued about Rakharo. “You are too skinny for him,” Jhiqui was saying. “You are almost a boy. Rakharo does not bed with boys. This is known.” Irri bristled back. “It is known that you are almost a cow. Rakharo does not bed with cows. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#humor

I lunged, low and quick, and drove about a foot of cold steel into his danglies. Hey, I don't care what kind of fearie or mortal or hideous creature you are. If you've got danglies, and can loose them, that's the kind of sight that makes you reconsider the possible genitalia-related ramifications of your actions real damned quick. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #proven-guilty #humor