#or

Hört auf zu streiten, oder ich tue so, als ob ich in Ohnmacht falle. Vielleicht schreie ich auch ein bisschen. ↗

— Kai Meyer

#iole #humor

When life gives you lemons, say cool, what else you got? ↗

— Carmen in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

#lemon #life #humor

Oh yes, I'm at my happiest when I have a good idea and I'm drawing it well, and it comes out well and somebody laughs at it. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#humor #humor

Librarians are notorious snitches—don’t let anybody convince you otherwise. ↗

— Tom Upton

#teen #teenager #young-adult #humor

It was suicide, wasn't it?" "In an involuntary sort of way," said Vorob'yev. "These Cetagandan political suicides can get awfully messy, when the principal won't cooperate." "Thirty-two stab wounds in the back, worst case of suicide they ever saw?" murmured Ivan, clearly fascinated by the gossip. "Exactly, my lord. ↗

— Lois McMaster Bujold

#suicide #humor

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#husband #marriage #toads #wife #humor

Well, hell,” muttered Drake. “Do you do that to all the human women?” “No. Usually they’ve already started taking off their clothes by now. She’s beginning to hurt my feelings.” “We need to get you a paper bag or a giant scar or something.” “Yeah,” said the man, his tone dry. “I’ll get right to work on that ↗

— Shannon K. Butcher

#humor

Oh, my sainted aunt! Don't mention that disgusting stuff in front of me! Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners! ↗

— Roald Dahl

#humor

She was plump, with dyed red hair and a face so caked with cosmetics that the floor of the Amazon jungle probably saw more natural light... ↗

— John Connolly

#humor

The truckers are staring," I said after a few seconds. It was true. They were. The whole row of them was doing a bad job of pretending not to look at us. "We just got engaged," Lucy shouted over to them. "I just asked this man to be my wife." The men at the counter traded confused looks. I burst out laughing. "We're glad you and your ass cracks could share this moment with us," she went on. "Seriously. We really are. Those are serious cracks and this is a serious moment. ↗

— Nick Burd

#humor