#or

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#crazy #funny #funny-and-random #humor #love

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#science #humor

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. ↗

— Dr. Seuss

#humor

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. ↗

— Steven Winterburn

#assholes #depression #humor #humour #low-self-esteem

We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant ↗

— Derek Landy

#skuldugerry-pleasant #humor

Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh? ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#misfortune #sombre-mood #humor

No' is a magical word," he told her. "Here's how it goes. You say, 'Simon, I have an insane, suicidal plan. Would you like to help me carry it out?' And I say, "Why, no. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#simon #humor

We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner. ↗

— Cyrus the Great

#frienship #humor #life #love #philosophy

I am far from a perfect dad. And I always will be. But I’m a damn good dad, and my son will always feel bigger than anything life can throw at him. Why? Because I get it. I get the power a dad has in a child’s life, and in a child’s level of self-belief. I get that everything I ever do and ever say to my son will be absorbed, for good or for bad. ↗

— Dan Pearce

#arguing #break #child #children #dads

That is like throwing two virgins into a bed. Enthusiasm, passion, and ignorance are not a good combination. Someone is likely to get hurt. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#humor