#or

Simple shit makes this chick crap bubbles and rainbows" -Beckett ↗

— Debra Anastasia

#debra-anastasia #humor #poughkeepsie #humor

I hit him on the back of the neck. He submerged. Help. I've drowned the Beast Lord. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#drowning #humor #ilona-andrews #kate #magic-strikes

I'll be needing a bridesmaid',she said.'A tall one. That way, I'll look more petite and feminine. ↗

— John Flanagan

#evanlyn #humor #humor

How come a boy can be so stupid, but a Daddy, who actually used to be a BOY himself, can be so wonderful? ↗

— Jillian Dodd

#humor

Reluctantly she lifted her eyes to his, and he went on: "I want you to understand this as though I were one of your own people." He drew in a deep breath. "Thank you. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for my life. ↗

— R.J. Anderson

#knife #paul-mccormick #friendship

Got to be worth a try, I suppose," said Crowley. "It's not as if I haven't got lots of other work to do, God knows." His forehead creased for a moment, and then he slapped the steering wheel triumphantly. "Ducks!" he shouted. "What?" "That's what water slides off!" Aziraphale took a deep breath. "Just drive the car, please," he said wearily. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

I can't be good ALL the time. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

Seth trotted over to Kendra. Bringing good luck as usual It was a weak pass okay ↗

— Brandon Mull

#humor

I hear you’re single now.” Aaron gave a white-toothed smile and tossed his hair. “Where did you hear that?” Scarlet cocked her head, hoping to find the leak. He pulled his stool over and sat down. “A little bird told me.” Why did people use that saying? Little birds didn’t talk. They chirped. And, unless Aaron spoke bird, he certainly wasn’t deciphering any bird chirpings. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#humor

90% of the work in this country is done by people who don't feel good". ↗

— Theodore Roosevelt

#humor