#or

Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?" "Only once" said Hermione stung. "I got you loads more then you got me-" "I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times-" "Well if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand- ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #hermione-granger #humor #ron-weasley #humor

Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?" "I though it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house at night and throw up in his mailbox. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace-lightwood #mortal-instruments #simon-lewis #humor

What's another word for Thesaurus? ↗

— Steven Wright

#another #thesaurus #word

If your heart tends to force friends to do as you say, seed of discord is being planted in your relationship. ↗

— Toba Beta

#force #friendship #relationship #friendship

Geez, you guys. I know I'm popular and all, but seriously, you're a bit too co-dependent for me. I'm going to need you to step away from my personal bubble." A wispy vine-woman curled ivy tendrils around his arm, and he sliced through them with his dagger. "No! Bad Wraith! No touchie! ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor

Tomorrow is promised to no one. ↗

— Clint Eastwood

#tomorrow #humor

After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?" I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #humor

So the first thing we're gonna do," I told him, "is push you off the roof. ↗

— James Patterson

#maxride #humor

The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor #ice-fishing #ice-skating #skiing #snow-camping

There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water? ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#humor