#ow

It’s true—there are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows. ↗

— Cheryl Cory

#funny #humor #kermit #muppets #music

Don’t be hating on my peacock. It’s just not right. - Kye ↗

— Krista Alasti

#fantasy #funny #krista-alasti #shifters #taming-shadows

Why would Dad call you? I mean, you have to admit that he would have been better off calling the local prison and asking them to send out one of the convicted killers to come find me. - Shella ↗

— Krista Alasti

#fantasy #funny #krista-alasti #shifters #taming-shadows

You have terminated me,” one of them said in a strange, flat voice. “But I am one of many.” “Robots!” Iggy breathed, taking Total from Angel. “One of many, one of many, one of many,” the robot Eraser was saying. Now Nudge saw the red light in its eyes, saw how they were fading and winking out. “Good!” spat the Gasman, kicking it hard. “Because we like to blow stuff up, blow stuff up, blow stuff up! ↗

— James Patterson

#bombs #fight #flying #funny #lol

Nix and Emma: 'Looks like you just found a new talent.' 'Great. Why couldn't I be good at underwater origami or something? ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #nix-the-ever-knowing #nucking-futs-nix #funny

To be, or not to be: what a question! ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#faust #funny #humor #marlowe #philosophical-humor

As he flushed, an unexpected realization hit him. This is the Pope's toilet, he thought. I just took a leak in the Pope's toilet. He had to chuckle. The Holy Throne. ↗

— Dan Brown

#dan-brown #funny #humor #robert-langdon #toilet

When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #cats #curls #dance #dancing

You can sit on a brick, and milk a cow with a blanket. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#bizarre #brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses

I’m sure all of that’s true. Especially the anal bit--Marshall’s always been an ass--but I don’t see how this is relevant, unless of course I’m mistaken, and you really are comparing me to a crumb that needs sweeping. - Shella ↗

— Krista Alasti

#fantasy #funny #krista-alasti #shifters #taming-shadows