#pa

Rob opened the door, and a tiny kitten ran out. It stopped to sniff Rob‟s ankle and arched its back, spitting tiny kitty defiance at him. Rob scooped it up. The tiny black bundle barely filled his palm. Dark as ink, the only mark on it was a tiny white spot between its eyes. Rob looked up from the kitten to meet Jamie‟s wide-eyed attempt at innocence. "There was a cat in my closet." "I can explain," Jamie offered. Rob returned to the bed. He dropped the kitten in Jamie‟s lap, causing it to poke unfortunate things with tiny needle claws. "Damn!" Jamie yelped, grabbing the kitten and putting a sheet between his delicate parts and danger. "I took out the trash yesterday, and there she was almost buried in a snow bank shivering." "It was ninety degrees yesterday, and there is no snow." Rob sat down on the edge of the bed. "Aren‟t you supposed to hate cats?" Jamie cuddled the tiny creature in his hands. It wrestled with his fingers. "That‟s dogs. I‟m not a dog, I‟m a wolf. There might not have been a snow bank, but it was dirty and hungry and very sad. ↗

— Diane Adams

#humor #m-m-paranormal #m-m-romance #werewolves #humor

Captain Smek himself appeared on television for an official speech to humankind. [...] 'Noble Savages of Earth,' he said. 'Long time we have tried to live together in peace.' (It had been five months.) 'Long time have the Boov suffered under the hostileness and intolerableness of you people. With sad hearts I now concede that Boov and humans will never to exist as one.' I remember being really excited at this point. Could I possibly be hearing right? Were the Boov about to leave? I was so stupid. 'And so now I generously grant you Human Preserves - gifts of land that will be for humans forever, never to be taken away again, now.' [...] So that's when we Americans were given Florida. One state for three hundred million people. There were going to be some serious lines for the bathrooms. ↗

— Adam Rex

#humor #invasion #irony #native-americans #parody

Miles clutched Quinn's elbow. "Don't Panic." "I'm not panicking," Quinn observed, "I'm watching you panic. It's more entertaining . ↗

— Lois McMaster Bujold

#miles-vorkosigan #panic #humor

The executive moves we are announcing today will strengthen American for the long-term future and reflect well on the depth of the Company's management team. ↗

— Gerard Arpey

#announcing #company #depth #executive #future

I don't go out and go to parties and do all of that. ↗

— Gemma Arterton

#i #out #parties

It is a truth universally acknowledged that one only comes up with clever, cutting remarks long after the other party is happily slumbering away. ↗

— Lauren Willig

#humor #mystery #paraphrased #humor

You can have anything in this world you want, if you want it badly enough and you're willing to pay the price. ↗

— Mary Kay Ash

#badly #enough #pay #price #want

The FBI has long been a part of the security for the nation's banks because bank robberies have been a priority. ↗

— John Ashcroft

#banks #because #been #fbi #long

To look deep into your child's eyes and see in him both yourself and something utterly strange, and then to develop a zealous attachment to every aspect of him, is to achieve parenthood's self-regarding, yet unselfish, abandon. It is astonishing how often such mutuality had been realized - how frequently parents who had supposed that they couldn't care for an exceptional child discover that they can. The parental predisposition to love prevails in the most harrowing of circumstances. There is more imagination in the world than one might think. ↗

— Andrew Solomon

#love #parenting #imagination

The idea of a belt holding my pants up seems so 20th century. Imagine a world where your pants are held high by your self-esteem. But it’s a silly notion, really, because in a world such as that, nobody would even wear pants.
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— Jarod Kintz

#idea #imagine #nudity #pants #self-esteem