#paraphrased

It is a truth universally acknowledged that one only comes up with clever, cutting remarks long after the other party is happily slumbering away. ↗

— Lauren Willig

#humor #mystery #paraphrased #humor

When the going gets tough, the tough get a librarian. ↗

— Joan Bauer

#libraries #paraphrased #library

Michael was still an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, coated in yum. Only now the enigma was a little less mysterious; I was a few clues closer to solving the riddle - but damn, that man would always be coated in yum. ↗

— Lisa Shearin

#male-beauty #paraphrased #sex-appeal #beauty

Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may diet. ↗

— Cathy Hopkins

#diet

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a fairy in possesion of a good appetite must be in want of pie. ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#paraphrased #dreams

All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old poop I can remember back to when we had those old-fashioned values, and I say let's get back to the good old-fashioned First Amendment of the good old-fashioned Constitution of the United States -- and to hell with the censors! Give me knowledge or give me death! ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#education #free-speech #paraphrased #death

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single girl of high standing at Longbourn Academy must be in want of a prom date. ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#humor #paraphrased #parody #dating

Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them. ↗

— Dick Francis

#paraphrased #weirdness #humor

All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#paraphrased #humor

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#paraphrased #humor