#range

I think it would be rewarding to be a professional non-thinker, because I’m always trying to do the exact opposite of work. So I might as well spend eight hours a day deep in thought. Plus, I think it would be marvelous to hear my boss scream, “What are you doing thinking? Get back to work. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #strange #thinking #funny

On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #money #odd

Your on your on with this one babe." "Coward." "Calling me names isn't going to get me in there." -Ranger and Stephanie ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #stephanie-plum #funny

Somebody left a pair of baby shoes on a bench. I would have taken them home, if only they weren’t too big for my feet.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baby-shoes #bench #bizarre #feet #funny

Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I’ll never be out of bricks to sell you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #blot-out #cloud #funny #humor

Just because it makes no sense doesn't mean it's not good advice. ↗

— Mick Farren

#strange #humor

Over-reliance on strictly economic justifications has already begun to hurt the quality and range of education at every level of American life. ↗

— Charles Vest

#american #american life #begun #economic #education

I’d put a banana on my tray, too. That, at least, didn’t remind me of anything trying to kill me. Could you kill someone with a banana? It didn’t seem possible. Maybe a possessed banana. I’d seen possessed pets before, but not possessed fruit. But I’ll bet it’s out there somewhere. ↗

— Lili St. Crow

#humor #strange-angels #humor

You should have told her differently,' said Hermione, still with that maddeningly patient air. 'You should have said it was really annoying, but I'd made you promise to come along to the Three Broomsticks, and you really didn't want to go, you'd much rather spend the whole day with her, but unfortunately you thought you really ought to meet me and would she please, please come along with you, and hopefully you'd be able to get away more quickly? And it might have been a good idea to mention how ugly you think I am too,' Hermione added as an afterthought. 'But I don't think you're ugly,' said Harry, bemused. Hermione laughed. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #hermione-granger #humor #order-of-the-phoenix #humor