#ric

Come on," I said, taking his hand. Clutching the afghan with the other hand, he trailed down the hall after me, a snow white giant in tiny red underwear. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#funny #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #funny

People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life. ↗

— Bauvard

#freedom #funny #grammar #humor #terrorism

He balled his hand into a fist. "You are such a bitch." "Woof, woof," I said. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#funny #laurell-k-hamilton #richard #funny

Thinking about the haves and the have nots, I’m reminded of something Jefferson said. He was sitting at the dining room table in the White House when he picked up his fork, leaned forward in his chair, bunched up his eyebrows in surprise, and said, “I haven’t eaten all day.” You see, Jefferson truly reflected early America at that time. He was hungry, and I think you’ll find that most successful people are. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #success #successful #thomas-jefferson #funny

I doubt she likes the idea of seeing him put back in a cage.” “Maybe not,” he said. “But she knows that the Authority are the only people who might be able to help him.” “Or kill him,” I said. “That too. What is life without risk?” “Long?” Terric laughed, a sort of high whooping that made me—and Zayvion, much to my surprise—smile. Contagious. For all he had a serious exterior, Terric was the guy you’d want to sit next to at a funny movie, just to hear him laugh. ↗

— Devon Monk

#devon-monk #terric #zay #funny

A blanket, coupled with an impressive erection, could serve as a suitable replacement for a lost tent at next year’s “Bring your son to work night” at NAMBLA’s manufacturing plant. What does NAMBLA make? NAMBLA makes me sick.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A brick could be tied to a cape, and then exalted as a superhero. Is that any more absurd than Superman?
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used to trick a bull into charging at you. After you trick the bull, trick a bear next, and then by that time all the investors will be playing your game, not even knowing that you are the Blanket Master that controls the world.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Several professional athletes have wrongly taught many young Americans by example that the only way to succeed in sports is to take steroids. ↗

— Jim Sensenbrenner

#example #many #only #professional #professional athletes

A brick could be used as a pillow, if you first wrap it with a blanket. But if you’re shivering from being cold, don’t worry—I’ll cover you with my naked body.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny