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But she laced her fingers through mine. I remember what she’d told me in New York, about building something permanent, and I thought-just maybe-we were off to a good start. ↗
Eventually, you forget it all. First you forget everything you learned - the dates of wars and Pythagorean theorem. You especially forget everything you didn't really learn, but just memorized the night before. You forget the names of all but one or two of your favorite teachers, and eventually you forget those, too. You forget your junior class schedule and where you used to sit and your best friend's home number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times, and eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations - even the ones that seemed indelible, just fade away. You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not, who went to good college, who threw the best parties, who had the most friends. You forget them all. Even the ones you said you loved, and the ones you actually did. They're the last to go. And once you've forgotten enough, you love someone else.... ↗
There is a world out there, so new, so random and disassociated that it puts us all in danger. We talk online, we ‘friend’ each other when we don’t know who we are really talking to – we fuck strangers. We mistake almost anything for a relationship, a community of sorts, and yet, when we are with our families, in our communities, we are clueless, we short-circuit and immediately dive back into the digitized version – it is easier, because we can be both our truer selves and our fantasy selves all at once, with each carrying equal weight. ↗
It wasn't a sign of weakness to tell what happened to me. I feel guilt no longer, only regret. The other emotions are coming around too. How much further do I need to go? I'm not sure, but there is comfort in the fact that I am in the hands of expert guides, both in the doctor's office and at home with Sue. ↗
