#s

Stop it. This is me, remember? We've been thrown up by the same puppies. - Ossin ↗

— Robin McKinley

#puppies #humor

Love goes together with acceptance ↗

— Dillis Tembo

#humor

We have rules One-Ear." The man smiled faintly at Mrs. Francis. "Ladies are not to be hacked apart with swords. It reflects badly on pirates in general and on our outfit in particular. ↗

— Seán Cullen

#manners #humor

Many bad things were done under the Evil Empire" she said. "The best we can do now is undo them. Will you assist in this endeavor?" "In every way that I can" said Nutt. "I would like you to teach them civilized behavior," said Ladyship coldly. He appeared to consider this. "Yes, of course, I think, that would be quite possible," he said. "And who would you send to teach the humans?" There was a brief outburst of laughter from Vetinari, who immediately cupped his hand over his mouth. "Oh I do beg your pardon," he said. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #orcs #humor

‎"There are two ways to do great mathematics. The first is to be smarter than everybody else. The second way is to be stupider than everybody else -- but persistent. ↗

— Raoul Bott

#math #practice #presistance #raoul-bott #humor

Unrequited love," I'd say. He'd look at me sideways in that cunning way he did and say, "what about it?" and I'd reply, "it's not your color." Pithy. Just to show him that I'd noticed. Or maybe I'd show myself to her and say, "Guess I'm not the only one who uses humans around here." And then I'd summon some of Owain's hounds to chew off the bottom bits of her legs. Then she wouldn't fit just right into his arms. She'd be too short. It'd be like hugging a midget. Nuala- pg. 75 ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#jealousy #humor

I suppose you had to," Wes said when Phin went back to join him at the table. "Pretty much. She seduced me." "Yeah, right," Wes said. "She said, 'Please fix the kitchen drain,' and you interpreted that--" "She said, 'Fuck me.' " Phin put two balls on the table and picked up his cue. "I interpreted that to mean she wanted sex." "Oh." Wes picked up his cue. "That would have been my call, too." He squinted at the table. "Why would she have said that?" "On a guess? Because she wanted sex. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#sex #humor

It wasn’t the first time I’d run across sex spells: they were just as common as electricity-kindled spells. They just aren’t convenient for your average on-the-go magical needs. “Do all the memory spells require that?” I asked. “I don’t think so. I just noticed it on the last couple of retrieval ones.” “Uh, maybe I could just get myself, you know, privately …?” I suggested. I regretted it immediately, and felt my face flush with warmth. What the hell was I going to do? Ask Lon if he had any porn I could borrow and hole up in his library’s washroom? ↗

— Jenn Bennett

#sex #humor

Charles stepped forward, looking outraged. 'Him?' he cried. 'But I clobbered him! You can't marry him, Ally. ↗

— Marissa Doyle

#charles #humor #leland-sisters #marissa-doyle #humor

I hope to-morrow will be a fine day, Lane. It never is, sir. Lane, you're a perfect pessimist. I do my best to give satisfaction, sir. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#pessimism #humor