#s

I seduce women by making women feel like they are seducing me. And I allow them to pay for that privilege. And as we all know, you value what you pay for more than what you’re given for free. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#privilege #seduce #value #funny

Colors and scents evoke strong emotions. Lavender, both the light purple and the smell, make me feel tranquil. But another color, canary urine, reminds me of public bathrooms, and all the fond memories of waiting for Father. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

Sneaky would be a lime-green Volkswagen. Nobody would suspect the assassins in the lime-green Volkswagen. ↗

— Adam Rex

#funny #sneaky #funny

I'm sarcastic and facetious. It's hard to find those people on the first encounter. I can be nice, but I don't want nice friends. I want funny, gregarious, sarcastic, and smart friends. It's so nice to hear you're not alone. ↗

— Bertsche

#funny

Stop hiding condoms in my stuff. It's like some twisted Easter egg hunt in there. ↗

— Alyxandra Harvey

#funny #lucy #over-protective #funny

That is a horrid temptation to put before a man who is forbidden to make vigorous movements,” he said. “Is it really?” she said. “No wonder Miles did not approve. He looked daggers at me.” “Maybe his face froze that way,” Rupert said. “He was looking daggers at me a few hours ago. Do you think he suspects?” “I think he knows ,” she said. “I’m glad I don’t have a sister,” he said. “I should have to get over my aversion to killing people.” -Rupert and Daphne ↗

— Loretta Chase

#mr-impossible #rupert #funny

In order to be irreplaceable one must be unique ↗

— Coco Chanel

#inspirational

It would be the last thing he did if he beat my dog. ↗

— Holly Hood

#irony #sarcasm #funny

Before I found Minerva, I'd passed nights with more than my share of women." Thorne groaned. Don't. Just don't. "I've passed time with duchesses and farm girls, and it doesn't matter whether their skirts are silk or homespun. Once you get them bare--" Thorne drew up short. "If you start in on rivers of silk and alabaster orbs, I will have to hit you. ↗

— Tessa Dare

#silver-tongued-devil #funny

No punching?" he asked. "No." "No kicking?" "No." "How about arm wrestling?" "No. And before you ask, we've avoided Slug Bug, Slap Bets, and any and all Dance-Offs." Fate Succumbs ↗

— Tammy Blackwell

#funny