#s

And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#drinking #humor #humor

It's a dirty way to fight, but I'm late for lunch." - Valek to Yelena ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#fantasy #fight #humor #valek #yelena

What?" Jace was still staring at her as if she'd told him she had found one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

And vampires never sparkle unless they just ate a stripper. ↗

— James R. Tuck

#vampires #humor

Jace was very pale, with hectic spots like fever on his cheekbones. "But it was Valentine. I saw him. In fact, he had the Sword with him when he came down to the cells and taunted me through the bars. It was like a bad movie, except he didn't actually twirl his mustache. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace #valentine #humor

Well, why did you kill Jeremiah? And don't bother feeding me some story about how you just happened to wander along after he spontaneously died. I know you did this. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace #valentine #humor

What about Isabelle?" Simon asked. "Where is she?" The humor, such as it was, left Jace's expression. "She won't come out of her room," he said. "She thinks that what happened to Max was her fault. She won't even come to the funeral." "Have you tried talking to her?" "No," Jace said, "we've been punching her repeatedly in the face instead. Why, do you think that won't work?" "Just thought I'd ask." Simon's tone was mild. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

It is better to take the other road, even if it's longer. Get a car, maybe" Green Eyes ↗

— A.G. Billig

#romance #short-story #inspirational

Jason straightened his shirt. “What’s ‘chauvinistic’ mean?” “It’s in the dictionary next to a picture of your father,” muttered Kyle. ↗

— Kathleen Peacock

#johanna-s-likes #humor

That is a considerable amount of puppets. But ... [Proceeds to summon one hundred puppets of his own] With this, I took down a whole country ↗

— Masashi Kishimoto

#humor #naruto #sasori #humor