One of the things that happens to people in grief is they secretly think they're crazy, because they realize they are thinking things that don't make sense. ↗
My parents thought all actors were secretly drug addicts, except for Clint Eastwood, whom they admired. But they thought it was very unlikely that I would ever be Clint Eastwood. ↗
I didn't think marriage worked. I thought everybody who was married was secretly miserable - that it was something they just put up with for their children. ↗