#sex

Supposedly, guys think about sex every eight seconds. If that's true, how can they talk to their grandmothers? ↗

— Jody Gehrman

#sex #humor

I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's nothing wrong with suckin' dicks. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! That's my advice. I'm here to help. ↗

— George Carlin

#fellatio #humor #oral-sex #humor

I know a lot about birds and bees, but I don't know very much about the birds and the bees. Everything I do know I had to teach myself on the Internet, because I don't have anyone to ask. For example, I know that you give someone a blowjob by putting your penis in their mouth. ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#sex #humor

Himmlisch ist's wenn ich bezwungen Meine irdische Begier; Aber doch wenn's nich gelungen Hatt' ich auch recht huebsch Plaisir! Loosely translated: It is heavenly, when I overcome My earthly desires But nevertheless, when I'm not successful, It can also be quite pleasurable. ↗

— Leo Tolstoy

#sexuality #unfaithful #humor

Throughout the course of the day, Bobby Tom's irritation over his artificially oiled and dirt-smeared chest and his unzipped jeans had flared into righteous indignation. They were treating him like a sex object! It was damned demeaning, that's what it was, being reduced to a set of oil pecs and a tight ass. Shit. A dozen years in the NFL, and this was what it had all come down to. Pecs and ass. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#men #sex-symbol #humor

You think he has some bomb defusing MacGyver contraption cooked up that involves lube, condoms, and a paper clip? ↗

— Stephani Hecht

#humor #sex #humor

All masculine, hard-bodied and sensual, he was a deadly weapon sent by the gods to drive women mad, and a walking billboard for all things wicked and carnal. Orgasms! Get your orgasms here. Hot and juicy! Just how you like ‘em! ↗

— Lisa Sanchez

#paranormal #romance #sex-appeal #humor

When they reached the stairs, he didn’t make her climb them herself. He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the big bathroom off their bedroom. He didn’t speak, his expression didn’t soften. But he was hard. His cock was like a poker, steely and hot against her hip. His eyes blazed with lust. ↗

— Lora Leigh

#lust #poker #sex #humor

At least you died and went to heaven ↗

— Nicole Williams

#humor #jude #luce #sex #humor

Forceful little thing, aren’t you?” “You have no idea. So we doing this or not?” Those lush lips twitched. “Let me get this straight. We’re going to the bathroom, and I’m going to fuck you, and you don’t even care to know my name?” “I’d actually prefer it if you’d keep your stupid mouth closed.” Oops. Her hatred was slipping out. “Well, well. You might just be my soul mate. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#first-meetings #galen #hatesex #humor #legion