#sm

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#sarcasm #humor

the [coat] rack above his head like a javelin. On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?" Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful." "Yes," said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace #mortal-instruments #sarcasm #humor

I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. ↗

— George Carlin

#god #humor #humor

I can't go on, I'll go on. ↗

— Samuel Beckett

#drama #existentialism #fiction #humor #nihilism

Hey, Carlos," the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?" "It sucked." "Can you be more specific?" my guardian asks. "It really sucked," I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor #perfect-chemistry #sarcasm #humor

I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #fog #funny #humor #inhale

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#atheism #childhood #humor #kids #parenting

Yes, we'll yell, 'Help, help us, goose girl, and bring the terrifying legion of warrior geese'. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor #isi #sarcasm #humor

A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#cynicism #friendship #humor #friendship

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit. ↗

— Richard Pryor

#humor #religion #vampires #humor