#stephanie

Joe" I said. "It's Stephanie." "Does this involve death?" "Not yet." "Does this involve sex?" "Not yet." "I can't imagine why else you'd be calling me. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie #death

There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#night #phone #plum #sleep #stephanie

She’s wild, unpredictable and dangerous as hell. Not just to my sanity, but to my health. She’s the kind of girl you know you’ll want forever with and forever will still not be enough. But she’s not the type of girl to give forever to you willingly. I’m pretty sure you’d have to drag it out of her kicking and screaming.” - Dominic Delaney -Damaged ↗

— Nina D'Angelo

#dominic-delaney #heartbreak #love #nina-d-angelo #romance

Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap cheat sheet. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#morelli #ranger #stephanie-plum #to-the-nines #cheating

I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#money

I paused for a light at Hamilton and TWlfth and noticed the Nissan was running rough at idle. Two blocks later it backfired and stalled. I coaxed it into the center of the city. Ffft, ffft, ffft, KAPOW! Ffft, ffft, ffft, KAPOW! A Trans Am pulled up next to me at a light. The Trans Am was filled with high school kids. One of them stuck his head out of the passenger-side window. "Hey lady," he said. "Sounds like you got a fartmobile." I flipped him an Italian goodwill gesture and pulled the ball cap low on my forehead. (Three to get Deadly) ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #humor

My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn." "She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action." -Ranger and Stephanie ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#janet-evanovich #ranger #stephanie-plum #funny

My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#aspiration

Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli. "I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure." -Morelli And Stephanie ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor #morelli #stephanie-plum #food

...I blink back the threat of tears, swiped at my nose and narrowed my eyes. "Listen to me, you two bags of monkey shit, "I yelled. "I am not in a good mood. My car keeps stalling. The day before yesterday I threw up on Joe Morelli. I was called a fat cow by my ex-husband. And if that isn't enough...my hair is ORANGE! ORANGE, FOR CHRISSAKE! And now you have the gall to force yourself into my home and threaten my hamster. Well, you have gone too far. You have crossed the line! ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #hilarious