#stephanie

My mother drove back to the intersection. "Who are you dating?" "Don't ask," I said. I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#dating

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#granmda-mazur #humor #stephanie-plum #funny

My mother had been slicing up the chicken. She took a drumstick and dropped it on the floor. She kicked it around a little, picked it up and put it on the edge of the plate. "There," she said, "we'll give him this drumstick." "Deal. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #humor

I was completely out of clean clothes. That meant I could be a slut and sleep naked , or I could be a slob and sleep in what I was wearing. Truth is, I'm not entirely comfortable sleeping naked. I do it from time to time, but I worry that God might be watching or that my mother might find out, and I'm pretty sure they both think nice girls should wear pyjamas to bed. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #humor

Ranger clicked his penlight on. "Hang onto me if you can't see." I curled my hand into the back of his cargo pants just above his gun belt. "I'm good to go." He was still for a beat. "You could have held on to my jacket," he said. "Would you rather I do that?" "No. Not even a little. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie #guns

Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap cheat sheet. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#morelli #ranger #stephanie-plum #to-the-nines #cheating

Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#romance #stephanie-plum-ranger #funny

Why do you give me cars?" "It's fun," Ranger said."And it keeps you safe. Do you want to know why keeping you safe is important to me?" "You love me?" "Yes." A sigh inadvertently escaped. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?" "In a very large way," Ranger said. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#sizzling-sixteen #stephanie-plum #love

I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#mystery #stephanie-plum #funny

...I blink back the threat of tears, swiped at my nose and narrowed my eyes. "Listen to me, you two bags of monkey shit, "I yelled. "I am not in a good mood. My car keeps stalling. The day before yesterday I threw up on Joe Morelli. I was called a fat cow by my ex-husband. And if that isn't enough...my hair is ORANGE! ORANGE, FOR CHRISSAKE! And now you have the gall to force yourself into my home and threaten my hamster. Well, you have gone too far. You have crossed the line! ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #hilarious